By Deacon Susan Moorehead
As most of you know I went through Breast Cancer in 2012 – 2013. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so I thought I would revisit some of my journal entries from my experience and share just a few intimate details. Cancer is terrifying; it was a very difficult season for the whole family, and it was also an experience with God I will never forget and never regret.
1/15/13: Lord, I have been waiting to write until I had some positive progress to report but positive thinking for me just ain’t happening right now and I just need to vomit these things out to you.
1. We have the most debt since we have been married: medical expenses come in the mail every day; hospital charges, bills from anesthesiologist, surgeon, imaging centers and we are heading into the new year, so deductible starts all over again. George’s dental needs must be addressed – all total we are at 43K in just medical costs – well not all medical cost, I did buy the furniture, a total impulse purchase made from fear and seeking retail therapy and comfort.
2. I finished chemo and it was a real let down. I am so low, what is wrong with me?? I should be happy it is over and moving past it; but I don’t have energy or interest and ambition isn’t in my reach. Soon, I am to start radiation therapy and I really don’t want to. I am not sure I even care. Lord, help me to “want” to get up in the morning.
3. I have been praying over for Sue-L, her commitment to waiting for you to bring her man to her, I said within my heart I won’t speak to her about it as she wasn’t asking me for counsel – my heart is grieved as I know she is able to wait but not always willing. I fear this last year of the cancer fight is influencing her and causing her to want to push past your timing and rush forward. I know thoughts like “time is running out” and doubting it will happen, growing tired in the waiting are real for her, I so get it! – kind of like my furniture purchase YIKES!
4. I pray you keep Sue-L’s training going well and she remains focused on the prize of finishing her first marathon - give her victory over mind and body, carry her Lord, and bear her up with your strength. Allow her to finish strong and let me be able to see her run this race.
One last thang, Lord, George, and I decided to remain faithful in our tithing even though it is super scary to be carrying this kind of pressure from the debt and it is really tempting not to give so that we can escape the pressure sooner. We want to trust and believe You, help us in our unbelief and impatience. I am asking you God to give me energy, stamina, and desire to
continue to work full time so we can pay off these debts. I will be patient with myself in healing, even if it kills me – just kidding.
12/31/13 Today, Lord I can hardly wait to write to YOU and myself for 2013 is done and in just one year so much has changed and I have much to be grateful for. Unlike, how I started this year I am so positive so happy and so much joy in my heart and I am excited to see next year.
My doctors now say my cancer state is described as “unremarkable”; never have I loved a word description more!! Praise YOU, O LORD!! I finally get the purpose of our lives and the how to be thankful for all circumstances. Your word says we are to give thanks for all things and to glorify
you in all things. My cancer was the opportunity for me to experience you in ways impossible to have had any other way and even now the cancer enables me to share with others your deliverance your strength your grace and the prayers of so many has shown me nothing is wasted. Prayer and living in your word have proved to very practical in the healing of my physical and emotional wastelands. Your word has been the spiritual food I so needed to enable me to go through it all and finish my race. John 11:4 “this sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory; so that God’s son may be glorified through it.” I often wondered and questioned, as you know Lord, the purpose of my cancer, the why, the what, and the take home message you wanted me to know and learn, as nothing happens for nothing. Now, I get it, at least some of it, I can share Jesus with my patients like never before, they are hungry to hear of your mercy, grace, strength, help, provision through my story and the journey through cancer. Scripture helps me see it really is for your glory and I get to tell others of You in such a way that they too can receive You in their wastelands. Thank you Lord, for the wonderful turn around year thank you for the cancer and now the freedom from cancer; but mostly for the revelation of your son Jesus Christ, my Savior, Friend and Redeemer for I am a new person this year all because of Him – let your glory so shine in me that all the glory goes to you and thank you for affording me the great privilege of sharing you with others in my daily path forever.
P.S. February 2013: Sue-L finished her marathon, and I met her at her finish line, WOW a proud moment for us both. What a perfect day for the record book. January 2014: Debt Update: furniture paid off, medical bills are close to being paid and done! Now, we have a wedding to pay for!!!
Thank you, LORD you are so good. Just as you have provided this last year, I know this year will be no different because you are God, and you love us and we trust you to deliver us over and over. Love you Lord, make this next year what you want it to be – we praise you for all things. Happy New Year, indeed!!!
P.S.S. This scripture found its way to me just this morning 10 years after the darkness of cancer:
Isaiah 45:3 “I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches hidden in secret places, so that you may know that it is I the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.” God is so good!!
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